My Special Boy...

Tanner and I have always shared a very special bond. He has always been my one and only child for nearly 13 years. I really never thought I would have another baby after it had been so long, especially not another son, I think its why I had hoped for a girl, even though deep down I wanted another boy, so I wouldnt feel the need to compare or feel I have replaced in any way my first son.I have struggled with emotions during this pregnancy in regard to that. I am excited and in love already with the new one, but I also have times of doubt, fear, and guilt that come as well. I know Tanner is so excited to be a big brother. We are so excited for this new addition to our family. When I found the below story, I related to it so much I just wanted to add it here...

...As I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before.I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me". And I hear myself telling you in mine, "I can't", knowing, in fact, that I never can again.You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him—as though I am betraying you.But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.I watch how he adores you — as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you—only differently.And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.I love you—-both. And I thank you both for blessing my life. —Author Unknown

36 Weeks

I was 36 weeks yesterday.. 27 days until my longest given due date.. yikes! Lots to do still! I went in for my OB appt today.. I wont give all the huge list of details.. I was 50% effaced, barely dialted on the outside of the cervix not on the inside.. My urine was fine, I had lost a pound since last week.. babys HB good.. my blood pressure however was up some 145/88.. they like it to be 140/80 and no higher when you are pregnant. Also my fundal height ( uterus measurement) was now measuring a week behind?? Hmm.. so one thing could be leaking fluid.

I did tell them I have had some extra wetness than usual TMI.. so they decided to send me over to Labor and Delivery to do a test to make sure there was no leaking amniotic fluid.. so they hooked me up to the monitors.. and while I was doing the fluid test they decided to do a NST

( non stress test) on the baby.. and started monitoring my BP.. which was not so good. While I was in there it was about 150/100 for about 2.5 hrs.. The fluid test came back negative which was good. The baby did real well on the NST test.. it measures how his heartrate reacts to his movements.. it should rise with kicks and it did.. I was also having alot of contractions measuring about 8 minutes apart. They werent totally consistant although I had at least 10 good ones while I was there.. and smaller ones in between..I was thinking they were going to end up keeping me overnight but my BP did drop to 143/93 so they decided to let me go home. I am just supposed to take it as easy as possible.

The nurses were really nice and helpful. It wasnt the most fun though being hooked up and having to lay totally still on my back that long! But thats alright, least I know the bamboozle is doing good ( Buckys name for the baby)...!!

And speaking of names.. we are working on it!

Our New Niece Lacee Anne Hanson!

Congratulations to Laurel , Treviner, Chase and Grant on the birth of Lacee Anne Hanson!
We are so excited for your family! She is so precious and Bucky and I and Tanner are so glad to have a new niece/cousin! Cant wait to meet her!

Lacee Anne was born Saturday Sept 19th at 5:07pm, 7lbs 6 oz, 19 inches long!

OB APPT , SCHOOL, and GRAMPS

This pic is from the first day of school this past Tues.

Yesterday I had my OB appt... Baby's HB was 135...he is head down still, real low. I am measuring 36 weeks by fundal height...They said this baby may just come by the 10th of Oct... we shall see...I talked with the doctor about the contractions and stuff and he said it was normal, unless a regular pattern of 5 min apart for an hour occurs, and the cramping is likely due to all the pressure on my pelvis. My BP was good, 115/80. I go back again next week and will most likely have a internal exam at that point.. fun .... fun!

The office in The Dalles has my official due date as Oct.18th from their records, the office in Bend has Oct.22... who knows? Then with measuring ahead, not sure what that means really either. I hope I get another ultrasound maybe at my next appointment. Maybe that can clear some of the mystery. The baby has the hiccups right now while I am typing this.. so wierd.

School has started here in Arlington... TanMan is trying to make the best of it, football practice started too.. he has long days 7:55 school starts and football hasnt gotten out until like 6:15- then theres the homework.. poor kid. In some good news about it Bucky has been helping coach and now is "Coach Hanson" I think that will be a very good thing for Tanner!

Today is Grandpa Dinks birthday, he would have been 95 today. I miss him so much and Nana.

It's real hard for me to think that this baby will never get to experience the love that they shared so much with Tanner. He was blessed to have been able to know his great grandparents.

I do get sad when I know this one will not get the chance to know them. Tanner was there Little Man.

34 Weeks Today....

34 weeks today! Wow... the time is fast approaching! I am still measuring a week to 10 days ahead.. well I guess we'll find that out for sure tomorrow at my appt. I had a little scare last night. I walked alot late yesterday afternoon to Tanners football practice and uphill to the practice field and back home. By the time we were walking home Bucky was "assisting" me as the contractions were starting to hurt some. When I came home I also started having cramping real low and they were pretty close together. I was scared! I laid down and drank alot of water and they did go away after a couple hours. I only have a few today. I am sure they are the Braxton Hicks ones.. but I dont want to wait around too long to find out! We'll see what they say tomorrow! I am still not quite ready and hope this baby boy stays baking in there at least another 3 to 4 weeks...

Baby Shower Caldera Springs

Sunday Sept. 6th my parents threw me a baby shower at Caldera Springs in Sunriver! It was a family shower so husbands and kids were invited too! It was very fun and nice, and a beautiful spot for a shower. They worked hard on it to make it nice for me THANK YOU BOTH!! And a big thank you to Cheryl and Dick too for helping so much. iIt was nice to have such dear friends in attendance!

My friend Amy helped with the games and they were fun too, it was funny to see people with there noses in the diapers trying to figure out which "type" of dirty diaper it was!

The theme was stork with blue and white and yellow.. the cake was stork and very yummy chocolate with a creamy filling. The " diaper cake" had a stuffed stork perched on top... the favors were so cute wrapped like little candies..
We had great food, Dad BBQed hamburgers and kielbasas.. and we had great salads to go with it, fruit salads, pasta pesto, potato.. it was a wonderful lunch!

It was pretty cold and windy so that made it a little more difficult.. but we managed at least NO RAIN ... ( course it was beautiful the next day.. thats Central Oregon for you!) We opened gifts inside.. thank you to everyone for the gifts for the baby..!!
Then the kids all swam( brrr...) afterwards for awhile.. It was a great day!
I want to give a special THANK YOU to my stepmom Janet for all her hard work to make this shower special for all of us.... we had a wonderful time and it means alot to us that you threw it for us! You did a great job!

33 Weeks!

Thirty three weeks! The countdown has begun... 48 days until the official due date , 38 days until the date I am measuring. I had a doctor appt last Friday and all was well.. nothing really new to report. One more 2 week appt ( so in 1 week now) then I think we go to 1 week appts unless maybe I am counting wrong! Baby is moving around all kinds of crazy and I can feel him in my ribs all the time and he squishes way up high in a ball and it feels so strange.
I have had alot of Braxton Hicks contractions the past couple days..

In other news... Tanner passed his Hunters Safety course.. and now can legally hunt with Bucky this season.That is exciting for them. I will post a couple pictures of Bucky and him shooting his 16 gauge shotgun, I think they may go dove hunting this weekend on Saturday. On Sunday, is my baby shower in Bend. I am excited for it. It's getting close. I feel the need to " nest" but not sure where this bird is going to start nesting yet.. time will tell soon. I am getting more and more excited to meet our new son. This holiday season will be very special. A new baby for Christmas this year ( and I thought all the puppies were exciting!)